Foreverpurple

And not just ‘passed’. Matt only missed ONE QUESTION out of 80 on his test today. That’s freakin’ awesome. I am so happy and excited for him and so, so proud of him!!! I knew he was going to do well but even I didn’t expect him to get 79 out of 80. Hell I don’t think I would have done so well. Hopefully this allays some of his fears about the upcoming two weeks.

You can be an inspiration to your friends with your sense of independence, even if you make it seem easier than it is. On the surface it appears as if you guide all your decisions by high ideals and philosophical truths. But you may not be as consistent between your head and your heart as others assume. Don’t be afraid to share your personal struggles because it can make you more human and more loveable than you already are.
By Rick Levine
Friday, October 10, 2008

Fuck me if this isn’t EXACTLY how I feel in side. I always battle against my heart for what my mind says I should do.

Matt is sick with a chest cold. I knew this would happen too. I knew the stress and anxiety of taking this Engineer class was going to overwhelm him. It’s so much pressure and he doesn’t have faith in his own ability to succeed. He’s having anxiety attacks and is sick to his stomach every day and now a chest cold. I went over last night to take him some Nyquil and Vick’s so he could sleep a little bit better. I know I should feel sympathy for him but right now I feel nothing. I guess that’s not entirely true, I did want to put him to bed and stay and take care of him, but I didn’t. I don’t know if that’s really an emotion so much as an instinct. I’m worried how he is going to cope alone in Salt Lake but there is nothing I can do but remind him that I believe in him and be there for him to talk to.

After several days of such overwhelming emotion, I am now devoid of any and all emotion. Not just towards him either. Maybe it’s a defense mechanism so I can continue to function, I don’t know. But it is so strange to be emotionless. I’m sure it will pass in time and last night I just tried to hide it because Matt is in a really bad place right now. He said he loves me so much… I feel nothing. He said he wants to make things right again… I feel nothing. He said he wants things to change, that he wants to be back at home with me… I feel nothing. He seems to want me to TELL him how to achieve these things, but I can’t do that. Even if I wanted to, I don’t know exactly what it’s going to take. Yes getting some help for his anger and depression is part of it. But regaining my trust after all the lies, after being two faced? I don’t have a clue how that is going to happen. Not a fucking clue.

Come to think of it, I’m not in a great place right now either.

Your perspective about your own future can take an unexpected detour today as you realize something that’s too important to ignore. You might not take any tangible action yet, but you could consider a switch in priorities that honors your need for spiritual meaning over your desire for a more conventional measure of success. Don’t waste your energy telling anyone about your change of heart until you are more comfortable with explaining what you want.
By Rick Levine
Thursday, October 9, 2008

I think I may have had this realization late last night. Still thinking things over.

Unsure of what I want
Tired of the lies
Thinking things will never change
Empty

Link: http://www.usatoday.com/travel/news/2008-09-18-fuel-surcharges_N.htm

Despite lower crude oil prices, fuel-related fees added by airlines and cruise companies are here to stay.

…

Major U.S. airlines also are reluctant to consider canceling the recently introduced fees. “They are not going away because the airlines are greedy,” says Henry Harteveldt, a travel analyst at Forrester Research, adding that jet fuel is still 40% to 50% more expensive than a year ago.

American Airlines, Delta, United and Northwest say they’re not canceling fuel surcharges. Major U.S. airlines have had fuel charges on international routes for years, but they’ve added them to domestic destinations in the past year, citing high fuel prices. They vary, depending on competition and distance. “The run-up in our cost related to our fuel prices continues to exceed the surcharge levels in place,” says Northwest spokeswoman Michelle Aguayo-Shannon.

In June, when crude oil was $134 a barrel, jet fuel was $163 a barrel. This week, the jet fuel price was about $140, according to the International Air Transport Association.

The carriers also have added fees for other services — checking bags, redeeming miles online, booking reservations over the phone — and are showing no signs of retiring them.

Probably one of the oldest cliches out there but sometimes it’s true.

I broke up with Matt on Tuesday morning. He’s been unhappy, depressed but never really had an exact cause. Last Sunday he said he thought he needed to be alone to be happy. When I asked him what that meant for us, he was unsure. He only would say ‘I don’t know’ when I would try to find out what he meant by ‘being alone’. He remained very tender and loving while watching me deal with a breaking heart Sunday and Monday. Sometimes he cried while he held me and at times I wasn’t sure which of us was being comforted. Tuesday morning I found out he had been emailing with that Gaping Twat Mouth Breather from Wisconsin again and being less than honest with her about what was happening here. She, of course, continues to push her own agenda. Which is that I am the root of all evil and the source of Matt’s unhappiness. Matt said some very unkind things to her about me in some of the emails and I decided that it was time for me to end this mess. I love him too much to see him unhappy and at the same time I refuse to be treated so badly behind my back. So I gave him what he said he wanted, which was his freedom. Tuesday he found an apartment and began moving out. Soon the reality of what was happening began to set in and I could not bring myself to comfort him as his heart was breaking. We need to be apart so he can find out for himself what he wants and needs to be happy and to deal with his depression. I need time away from him to think clearly about what he has put me through with his lying and backstabbing, and if I can ever really let go and forgive him. I like to think I can but he’s put me through hell the past 6 months.

After six great years together I don’t want to despise him, nor do I want him to hate or despise me. I would rather we part ways while we can still be friends. I also know that I can’t make him happy, he has to do that for himself. I’ll be his friend and help him if I can but he has to take control of his happiness and search his soul for some answers.

I was happy in our relationship and still as much in love as I have ever been. For me to be the one to pull the trigger and end our relationship was unbelievably difficult. But, in my heart, I know it’s the right thing to do, for both of us. He deserves to be happy and I deserve to be treated with respect and honesty. To continue on as things were, would have surely destroyed any love or tenderness between us.

We have been talking and spending time together all week. Matt has been over often to help me with some things and to talk. We put up the halloween stuff and went shopping today. We agreed to make this a separation with an open end. He says he wants us to be together, fully reconciled because this break up is not what he really wanted. Yesterday he told me that if he had stopped and really imagined what it would be like to leave me, he never would have said that he wanted to be alone. Things like that make it hard to be strong and stick to my guns on this one, but I have to. Things must change if we are going to survive this.

Matt knows the ball is in his court now. I won’t let him come back until he has had time to himself to do some soul searching. It’s hard for me to block out the mean things he said in those emails when he is holding me, crying and telling me that he loves me so much and that I’m the best thing that has ever happened to him, that his life is over without me. I want to believe him, believe that he’s just confused and struggling with depression. I want to believe because I know how depression clouds everything you do. I know because I’ve been there. I want to believe because the man who sent those emails is a stranger to me. He is not the Matt I fell in love with and spent six amazing years with. He is not the Matt who is my best friend, who I never get tired of being with.

My heart says I should give him time to face his demons because after so long together he deserves that much. My head tells me that he’s a liar, that he’s two faced and that the game he is playing with me and GTMB is never going to end. I’ve begged and pleaded with him to just be honest with me, and the lies continue. I can’t let go of the fact that he allows GTMB to lay all the blame on me, to lie about me over and over while she plays the role of the perfect woman. It’s easy to have all the answers when you are on the outside looking in. GTMB dated Matt for 6 MONTHS. She doesn’t know him as well as she likes to think. Seven years together and we are still learning things about each other. I can’t let go of the fact that he allows people like Charlie and Stacy to pick away at our relationship. This has been going on since the day he moved to Illinois to be with me and I need him to put his foot down and put a stop to it, if he really is happy here with me. I know that’s hard for him because it’s not in his nature to be confrontational but at this stage in the game I don’t care. If he loves me as much as he claims he does, if his life is meaningless and empty without me, as he says it is… then it’s time to stand up and fight for me.

Song Lyrics

Rick Springfield has withstood the test of time far better than most critics would ever have imagined, writing and performing some of the best-crafted power pop of the past 30 years. Rick formed his first band in high school, and eventually joined the group Rock House, who’s who dodged mortars while performing for troops during a tour of Vietnam in 1968. A much sought after and highly accomplished lead guitarist in his native Australia, he moved on from Rock House to join the popular band The Zoot in 1970. Springfield went solo after Zoot’s breakup in 1971, and garnered his first U.S. success the following year with a re-recording of his Australian hit “Speak to the Sky” (Capitol, 1972, #14). 1974 and 1975 saw Rick’s skill as a songwriter evolve as pure pop confections oozed from the grooves of his next two album, Comic Book Heroes and Mission Magic, the later being the soundtrack for the Saturday morning cartoon series of the same name starring Rick as a rock-n-roll troubleshooter with each episode featuring one of Rick’s original tunes.

Perfectly poised for chart-topping success, Rick went on to record the masterful Wait For Night, only to have the album abandoned promotionally when the parent record label collapsed in 1976. A breakthrough came when Rick was able to secure a recording contract with RCA on the strength of his next batch of demos. In the midst of recording what would become the quintessential pop album Working Class Dog, for his debut on the RCA label, Rick was cast to play the young, eligible Dr. Noah Drake on General Hospital in 1981. As one of the show’s most popular cast members in it’s history, Rick’s popularity skyrocketed, setting the stage for the imminent release of Working Class Dog later that year. Powered by 3 Top 40 hits including the classic the classic Number One Hit Jessie’s Girl, (RCA, 1981, # 1) and the Top Ten follow-up I’ve Done Everything for You, (RCA, 1981, #8) as well as the party-starter, Love is Alright Tonite, Working Class Dog enjoyed multi-platinum smash success, and Rick eagerly left his first major TV role behind to fully focus on his first love of music when television taping conflicted with his sold-out tour schedule.

The follow-up album, Success Hasn’t Spoiled Me Yet, again reached multi-platinum certification after its release in 1982, spawning the smash hit Don’t Talk to Strangers (RCA, 1982, #2). Both multi-platinum albums featured nods to Rick’s story of hard work and perseverance on their cover art as portrayed by his beloved canine companion, Ronnie. 1983’s Living in Oz took an edgier stance musically, spawning the Top Ten Hit Affair of the Heart. (RCA, 1983, #9) as well as the crowd pleasing arms-in-the-air hit Human Touch (RCA, 1983, #18) When Springfield made his big screen debut in 1984 for the movie Hard to Hold, the soundtrack found Rick with another Top Five hit, Love Somebody. (RCA, 1984, #5)

Rick’s recording career continued with Tao (1985), and 1988’s Rock of Life whose title track remains a fan favorite and live show staple. Rick took time off from recording to settle in with family life and subsequently released Sahara Snow in 1997, his first full album of collaborative work with Tim Pierce and Bob Marlette. Karma , released in 1998, coincided with Rick’s full blown return to the concert stage performing to sell out crowds as fans clamored to the internet, hungry for word of Rick’s return to their hometown. The much anticipated Greatest Hits Alive (2001)illustrated Rick’s unique brand of unstoppable energy in the live arena while the power of the critically acclaimed shock/denial/anger/acceptance (2004) propelled Rick onward, touring continuously through 2004 into 2005. The “Shock Tour” culminated with a raucous cold-out concert in Rockford, IL filmed in high-definition for forthcoming broadcast and DVD release that also provided fans with their first glimpse of songs from Rick’s latest CD, The Day After Yesterday.

Rick has sold over 19 million records while charting a whopping 17 Top 40 hits to date. Having performed for millions of fans over the last three decades, and showing no signs of slowing down, Rick continues to play 100 shows a year, sharing his love of performing, unstoppable energy and his unique brand of crowd interaction with thousands of fans each night. Rick literally wades deep into the crowd at each show.

Goo Goo Dolls
Before It’s Too Late

I wonder through fiction to look for the truth
Buried beneath all the lies
and I stood at a distance
To feel who you are
Hiding myself in your eyes

and hold on before it’s too late
Until we leave this behind
Don’t fall just be who you are
It’s all that we need in our lives

and the risk that might break you
Is the one that would save
A life you dont live is still lost
So stand on the edge with me
Hold back your fear and see
Nothing is real til it’s gone

Hold on before its too late
Until we leave this behind
Don’t fall just be who you are
It’s all that we need in our lives

So live like you mean it
Love til you feel it
It’s all that we need in our lives
So stand on the edge with me
Hold back your fear and see
Nothing is real til it’s gone

Hold on before its too late
Until we leave this behind
Don’t fall just be who you are
It’s all that we need in our lives

Hold on before its too late
Until we leave this behind
Don’t fall just be who you are
It’s all that we need in our lives

It’s all that we need in our lives
It’s all that I need in my life