Foreverpurple

I intended to blog again tonight about how excited I am about this election, like I have never been before but my TM this evening changed my mindset.

Many thoughts come to me during my meditations, it’s part of the process. They are always random, that’s the nature of meditation. Tonight one of these thoughts was about Matt coming home and how much I have been thinking it over, struggling to make a decision. Then I was hit with: We had a life together. A life I loved. And that made me burst into tears but at the same time it made me realize that I am happy about the decision to let Matt come back home. It feels right. I’m still unsure about the future but this feels like a step we should take. Our relationship has been far more good than bad. We have far more happy times than bad times. Matt brings me friendship, joy, laughter, love, comfort and security.

So while I have been a bit squeamish about the idea of counseling, I have come to terms with it as a step to take for us.

Since I know you will be reading this… luv u

Mom and I went for a meditation check at TSMO on Saturday but we went shopping first at one of the Indian grocery stores, Ambica. We finally found the Samosas we were looking for but not the Stakelets. We also bought some delish little pastries stuffed with some sort of paste with ginger and nuts. I met an adorable little girl too who just chatted my ear off.

Anyway Sunday I realized that during all this latest mess with Matt, I have not had a single migraine. Not one. And don’t think this hasn’t been stressful for me but I’m handling it so well and am not feeling stressed or miserable. There is only one thing responsible for this and it’s transcendental meditation stress management. I’m taking no meds at all, yet I’m not feeling anxiety or depression. It’s such an amazing feeling but it’s hard for me to explain in words I guess. If you have suffered depression and migraines due to stress you can at least understand what a major change it is for me to be completely off of my migraine meds and anti depressants.

The past couple weeks I have only been meditating once a day which is a no-no . After my check I have been making time again, as it is really important to my health that I keep consistent. Last night during my meditation I kept seeing blue. A light, vibrant blue like I had seen once before. After I opened my eyes I sat on the floor watching the smoke rise from my incense stick. I bet I sat there for like 10 minutes just watching it. It was so soothing. When I finally got up I felt so happy, really just content and light. That feeling continued all through the evening and into today. It’s been awhile since I’ve had that glowing happiness post meditation but it’s so good.

Worth mentioning as well is the fact that my mom told me she had a headache all day Saturday. After we had a 10 minute meditation with Farrokh she told me her headache was GONE.

This is something I am having a hard time learning. Even when my meditations seem ‘dull’ (not really a good word but it’s hard to explain) I am still reaping the benefits. I am for the most part migraine free and sleeping well. Those are two big indicators of the benefits of regular meditation. I get hung up sometimes thinking I’m not doing something right because my mind is not transcending and diving but instead I seem stuck on the surface. Really that’s OKAY. Like I said, I’m still benefiting from the regular practice. Last week I had one of those moments of joy during meditation at the docs office.

I finally got two clown loaches last night to deal with my infestation of snails. Fleas and snails …is the apocalypse on the horizon? I was hoping when I released them I would see a shark like feeding frenzy as they devoured the tasty snails. It wasn’t quite so violent or feverish but they quickly went to work picking through the gravel. I taped for over 6 minutes but it’s rather uneventful unless you just want to see my huge pleco (who I’ve decided to name Ralph) who seems to have a permanent 90 degree bend from it’s choice of tank sucking spots. You know how your mom always said that if you make a face too many times it will stick that way? It’s completely true! I’m naming the loaches Jules and Vincent :)

I’ve noticed that when I meditate at the docs office it is more focused and relaxing than when at home. I think there is enough background noise so that I don’t get so focused on my breathing. May try different places in the house to see if I can find a better spot.

Phoebe gets her cast off tomorrow!!

The warmth you feel for others is readily apparent today as the Fire Sign Theatre encourages you to burn all your candles at both ends. With so many planets in Sagittarius-friendly fire, you are inspired and inspiring, loved and loving. Don’t get caught up in spinning mental wheels that take you nowhere at all. Just follow your heart.
By Rick Levine Wednesday, July 23, 2008

all my candles burning at both ends…story of my life!

Friday ended up being a shit day, I had to work 90 minutes over. That meant I just barely had time to run home and change my shoes and then make a quick search for my movie gift cards and then I had to leave to pick up Teresa. We went to see Wanted. Great movie even though we had to sit in the front row. Lots of action and of course it’s the usual over the top stunts but it’s a good story line and worth seeing.

Saturday I spent most of the day flea fumigating Then had dinner with the family before mom and I went for our Meditation check.

Today I’m too tired to blog after cleaning the pig cage and making potato salad for Matty. Laundry to do of course. Blah I’m wore out!!

So excited!!! Yesterday mom and I didn’t get a chance to meditate our second time before we went to her final class so we had to do it later when we got home. Mom has been very sleepy after meditation so I suggested she try something a little different. I told her to do all her normal bed time rituals before meditating, then sit in bed to meditate. We lie down for 10 minutes after meditation and she is always ready to nap. So I told her she should lie down and let herself fall asleep. I just spoke to her and she said she did this and fell asleep maybe around 10pm and didn’t wake up until…. 11 AM!!! That’s right she slept over 12 hours!! This so freakin amazing! Mom rarely sleeps more than 3 or 4 hours a night. She slept ALL NIGHT without waking up! Another day with no headache for her as well AND..yes AND she had a day with no need for pain pills. This is after four days of crawling on the floor. I guess if you don’t know the physical pain she has been in for so many years you won’t find this as shocking as I do. She has been sleep deprived for such a long, long time and that is contributing to her pain and stress. Her body never has a chance to repair itself. She has also been doing the light yoga stretches I taught her and feels like it’s helping. I’m so excited for the progress she is making.

Okay little note on my own meditation from Monday’s class. We only do a 10 minute meditation. I had another episode of rocking/swaying and my palms became VERY VERY hot. This time I realized it happened when I had been able to transcend to a place with no thought or mantra and I got there very quickly. I’m not sure if that was the case in previous episodes.

Transcendental Stress Management®

So mom signed up for Transcendental Stress Management® on Thursday, same day we started laying our new laminate floor. She is having great success already! She is finding it quite easy to transcend and is noticing changes already. She said her mind is clear and quiet at bedtime. The past two mornings she has not woken up with a headache (she normally does). Also by 5pm or so she is coming down with a headache. That didn’t happen at all yesterday. Today she had a mild headache but after med it was gone. This is really incredible even with all of the physical work she has been doing on our floor. Normally she would be so down in the back after one day she would be on the couch in misery. She has been in good spirits. I’m so happy for her and proud of her for having an open mind.

Farrokh sent us home with some of the great spiced indian tea he served us. mom really enjoyed it and is going to try to replace her morning coffee with tea instead.

Farrokh asked me to write a letter for him about my relief from migraines, which I definitely WILL do!

Last week during meditation, I heard several voices as if you were tuning through a radio dial really fast. A lot of voices talking over each other, running together to where I couldn’t really understand what they were saying. This morning, I heard a single voice, sort of a ethereal and blue, for some reason it seemed like a blue light shining. I think it was a female voice and telling me to remember that what was important was the people, helping people….something about not losing sight of what was important. It didn’t last very long, but it seemed like it was something directed at me not just random voices like last week. This meditation went by very fast. The first time I checked the time it was 21 minutes and I don’t remember anything, not even if I was repeating my mantra. Very easy meditation….

Transcendental Stress Management®

That’s what I remember of my dream last night… lots of naked girls and maybe some fetish stuff like nipple clamps. headscratch

Didn’t sleep much because I went for dinner at the corporate apartment with the guys from Argentina and I got home LATE. I also FORGOT to meditate! How the hell is beyond me but I didn’t even realize till I was almost home.

Dinner was so fun! The meal they made was delicious and it was a great time.

Quote of the day courtesy of a dear friend:

Risk more than others think is safe. Care more than others think is wise. Dream more than others think is practical. Expect more than others think is possible.

-Claude T Bissell

AWESOME quote and very fitting for me right now!!!

I started the day out alert and energized and tonight at nearly 7pm after a full day and a work out my energy level has not diminished. I had a fabulously joyful day courtesy of Transcendental Stress Management®. cheer

This morning things finally began to get back to normal at work. There was a farewell lunch for one of the guys, Tom, who is leaving the company. Tom has been enjoyable to work with and we have sat together at other meetings, as there is never any room for me at the ‘girls’ table. I quickly got used to that situation and realized I am never going to be one of the girls. I’ve always been one of the guys and honestly I like it that way. It really has become comical at this point. So Tom and I rode to lunch together and shared a table and we had a lovely lunch. :D

Weight loss note… 3 work outs this week and I even made progress on that damn elliptical machine!