Foreverpurple

You can see relationship trouble brewing quite clearly now, yet you may not be able to say much about it. If there is a problem between you and your spouse or partner, it’s not going to go away until you address it directly. Still, it may be better to wait for circumstances to improve. In the meantime, do what you can to stabilize things so there will be common ground to meet upon.
By Rick Levine

Seriously? Ugh…just ugh. I think I’ll choose to ignore this one. Matt stayed over last night and I had some feelings that we are in danger of resuming our old habits and patterns. I’m afraid that is a bad thing. I’m not sure if it’s valid or not but it feels like that’s how we got to this place to begin with. I could be wrong on that… hard to say right now.

I came home from work last night tired and cranky because I had to stop and pick up something for dinner AND decide what to get (it gets old being the one who has to make nearly every decision). I had intended to just eat something at home for a change, knowing there was left over pizza for Matt. He sent me a text asking what was for dinner cuz there was nothing there that he likes to eat (except pizza). Matt got out of class earlier in the day and he could have taken care of dinner but I didn’t say anything and obviously I SHOULD HAVE. So it’s not entirely fair to him because he didn’t know I was tired and annoyed.

Anyway I texted Matt to tell him I would need help carrying stuff in. I expected him to be waiting at the door ready to come out since I gave him a heads up that I was 10 mins away. I had to honk the horn and then he opened the door. He let the girls out and then it seemed like he was just standing there waiting for me to come to the door so he could open it for me. So I snapped at him. He said he was getting his shoes but I didn’t see that.

The bottom line is we take each other for granted and don’t communicate our feelings very well. We are both guilty of holding back and that causes animosity. I feel like I could elaborate more here but I’ll save it for therapy. Yeah… therapy. Holy shit.

You could make it all look easy today, but inside you are probably stressing more than usual. These are difficult times, for you are being pulled in opposite directions and neither option is perfect. Ultimately, you’ll need to stop the analysis and just make a choice. Remember, it’s usually best to choose love over fear.
By Rick Levine

Last week Matt asked me again what needs to happen so he can come back home. I had mentioned counseling for us in previous conversations. I just wasn’t sure if that was the answer to our problems but the more I have thought about it the more it seems there isn’t much else we can try. Matt called this morning and set up our first appointment for next Monday. He made a commitment to see this through with me and with that promise, I told him he can come back home at the end of the month. Well the end of the month is logical because he will have to give notice to the landlord and all that but I’m sure he will start moving back before then. He tells me over and over that he is very unhappy with the current arrangement and just wants to come home to me. So I’m choosing love over fear…. again. I know that our family and true friends will be supportive of our decision to try to save our relationship because they know how much we love each other.

I just hope this is the right step because I don’t have any other ideas about how to rebuild this relationship. John told me today that the reason I’m not sure what to do yet is because the right thing hasn’t presented itself. I’ve been thinking about that a lot because it really made me stop and think. Sometimes you don’t know the solution to a problem until it’s staring you in the face and then it’s like a light switches on. I definitely felt good after talking to Matt on the phone about him coming home. That’s an honest feeling that I can trust if nothing else.

There is a lot going on behind the scenes, yet you still could be a bit cavalier as you talk about your feelings. You may think that change will occur more easily now, yet nothing much will happen unless you can find the courage and take a risk. What you see is exactly what you get. There’s no time like the present to ask for what you want. By Rick Levine

The first thing that came to mind when I read this was: Go to therapy. Right now our relationship issues are in the spotlight so that seems to be the first thing that comes to mind. Not sure where else there are risks that should be taken. Certainly not at work and right now anything involving finances is a risk.

In your drive to show the world that you can do anything, you might miss an opportunity to deeply connect with someone in your life. Hiding your insecurities won’t necessarily make them go away. Gently push your true feelings up to the surface where they are easier to share. Not everyone expects you to be a superhero all the time.

By Rick Levine

Matt passed all of his tests with flying colors. I am very proud of him for doing so well. I knew he would succeed. His plane arrives later this evening…still not sure if I am going to make dinner. I am exhausted this morning and have a little bit of a headache, probably from crying last night. He tried to call and I wouldn’t answer because I didn’t feel like talking and I had to get some work done. He sent me several texts and a very touching email. I still have a lot on my mind and I am getting NO WORK done today. Just a zombie right now… more later on what’s in my head.

Although you might try to stay on the sunny side of your disposition, there could be a rather serious issue that needs airing. Others may expect you to be positive or even uplifting, but don’t let their expectations stand in the way of your honesty. After all, part of your reputation is based on your ability to tell it like it is. You will feel much better once the truth is out in the open.

By Rick Levine

You may want to have more stability in your everyday routines, such as diet, exercise and sleep. But there can be too many distractions these days, making self-discipline even tougher than usual. You may reach a point where it’s healthier to let go of control, instead of frustrating yourself by trying to tighten your grip on reality. Tomorrow is another day. By Rick Levine
Wednesday, October 15, 2008

This is a helpful reminder right now. I am feeling overwhelmed by the lack of control I have pretty much every aspect of my life. Diet and exercise are at the top of that list. I keep trying to find a way to balance it all and right now it’s just not happening.

You are as quick on your feet today as you are with your witty tongue. Fortunately, you are quite charming now and can get away with a bit of extra sarcasm. Nevertheless, don’t push your luck too far. Your idealism can influence your thinking and cloud your judgment. Talk less and try to accomplish more.

By Rick Levine Sunday, September 21, 2008